Based on the infamous “Kids for Cash” scandal:
http://www.nbcnews.com/
You know the government, they can’t do anything right
So if you want efficiency then you have got to privatize
So in the state of Pennsylvania we two judges did agree
To let the county J.D. hall to close and let an LLC
Called PA Child Care have a complete monopoly
In helping kids to serve rather extended penalties
That we could guarantee with a zero tolerance policy
That happened to provide us with a rather generous fee… yeah
Yeah, zero tolerance – that’s the way we role
So you’d better get your teenage self under tight control
You get in trouble in school, you’re gonna face the bench
Become the latest corporate facility resident
Shoplifting nutmeg, joyriding mama’s car
Made a webpage on your principal? Well, you’ve gone too far!
If you get into a catfight with some nasty girl at school
Expect a several month long sentence to be in store for you
I don’t care if you’re eleven, the only thing it means to me
Is we’ve got to deal quite harshly with your criminal history
So expect to enter teendom in our plush facility
‘Cause we’ve got to cut you off from your immoral family
Who would otherwise provide you with way too much sympathy
And I think it’s about time you took responsibility
Instead of running ’round spending your teen years fancy free
We’ve got a spot for you in medium security
Yeah, zero tolerance – that’s the way we role
Better get your pre-pubescent self under tight control
You get in trouble in school, you’re gonna face the bench
Become the latest corporate facility resident
Don’t want to hear excuses that you didn’t have a clue
That your friend was stealing DVDs across the store from you!
You’re a liar, an accomplice, you’re a lookout and a thief
Follow the bailiff as I give a little kickback to the chief!
You know there’s no profit in a slap on the wrist
Got to send you away and make you dwell on what you did
Your friends back in school finish out their sophomore year
We’ve got some wonderful new friends for you to meet right here!
Yes myself and Conahan we conjured up quite a plan
But it wasn’t out of greed I hope you all will understand
That Judge Ciavarella always wanted what was best
It just happened to work out we became financially blessed
So as I exit the courthouse do you think I want to hear
How I ruined your son’s life, ended his wrestling career?
As I head off to spend 28 years in a prison cell
Do you think my main concern is you want me to burn in hell?
Yeah, zero tolerance, that’s the way we roll
Better hope the Lord and Savior will forgive my poor soul
Yeah, zero tolerance – it’s quite the irony
When suddenly the theory is applied to me
No JD’s at my mercy, no Juris Doctor degree
I’d better show some good behavior if I want to go free