Come on in! How wonderful to see you! Welcome to the offices of Earth, Incorporated!
That’s right, we were able to buy the whole planet.
Some socialists tried to stop us by trying to place artificial limits on the amount of wealth a few individuals could control,
but, let’s just say the politicians were on our side.
I know, some people ask how we can be comfortable owning an entire planet when some people don’t even have food,
but we’ve been blessed and we need to enjoy our blessings and be thankful for the riches God has given us.
If you’d like to buy some stock in Planet Earth, now’s a fantastic time to get in.
Climate change won’t reach catastrophic levels for several more years,
so we’re looking forward to steady growth for a good while ahead.
Now if you could just wait a short while,
We’ve got to get to a quick meeting with some world leaders
To make sure we don’t have to pay any taxes on our profits.
You don’t want to tax the job creators!
We’ll be back in just a short while to discuss those stock options!